Old and New Identities

The Miller Family

In the past two years I’ve gotten married, given birth to a beautiful baby boy who is now 11 months old, gotten pregnant again (now 5 1/2 months),  moved to a new home in Marin, California and continue my business as a coach.    As my coach so eloquently reminded me I’ve been very busy manifesting long time dreams I’ve held as hopeful possibilities for years.   While I hear this to be true and a testament to the power of intention and action, I also hold a story that in some ways I’ve not been ‘doing’ enough, particularly when it comes to manifesting what I want for my business and professional life.   I seem to have lost sight that I’ve been a little distracted creating and bringing new life into the world.    I also recognize I have extraordinarily high expectations of myself to be able to do it ALL – and do it all very well.

For years I referred to my business as ‘my baby’.   I created it, I fed it, I supported it to grow and I found others who believed in it as well.    I had many self identities created for myself in regards to my business – A coach, an entrepreneur, a business developer and a thought leader.    The majority of my time went to nurturing ‘my baby’ and measuring its’ growth.

Fast forward today and my time is split between being a mommy, wife, friend, professional and daughter.    All of which come with big responsibilities.    For example being a mommy includes (but is not limited to) being a teacher, a disciplinarian, a calendar scheduler, a cleaner and sometimes an entertainer.  This is no small task – it takes energy, perseverance and willingness to show up no matter what.    Being a wife, while a gift and honor also takes energy and commitment.   It includes things like:   communicating often,  planning schedules, paying bills, keeping the house running smoothly, and giving loving, undivided attention to my spouse.  There are obviously unnamed responsibilities that I inherently take on as part of both of these identities and, on most days I gladly accept them because they give me a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

This process of incorporating new identities into the complex web of who I am has been both incredibly satisfying and at times indescribably frustrating.    My old identity has been thrown a curve ball (in the BEST way).   Most of my life I’ve been fiercely independent and assertive in every area of my life.    I see something I want and I go after it.   And, in the past I’ve had the capacity and energy to do so.   Once upon a time my life consisted of me, my business and extracurricular activity that appealed to me.    I now have a different level of time and energy available for everything, including my business.   And, while head says “keep going, grow your business, work harder, focus and anchor my professional identity”, my heart and spirit say, “relax, let it emerge, there is no rush and great dreams will come to pass ahead.”       This is a true test for me to release the old identity I hold for myself particularly in the area of my career.    It will…..  in the right time.     For once I am learning that I do not have to do life at such a fast pace.

My experience has shown me that if I’m patient with my process of evolving, beautiful things – ideas, dreams and possibilities will emerge.    And, by giving myself some space to cocoon – go inward and reflect – I know I will be more available to what is happening now AND what wants to happen in the future.

Here’s to space for creating, dreaming and then, ……manifesting.

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